The School Of Unlearning With Elisa Haggarty

EP 57: Relationship to Integrity and Aliveness with Elisa Haggarty & Justin Mulvaney

In this episode, Justin Mulvaney who is a Conscious Leadership Coach and peer/friend of Elisa takes the microphone and interviews her on her recent experience at The Integrity Bootcamp with The Conscious Leadership Group. 

If you are seeking aliveness and alignment in your life and in the workplace, this episode lays out the pillars of integrity based on the work of The Conscious Leadership Group. You will hear how learning how to give/receive critical and appreciative feedback and the power of congruence are the foundations of integrity and aliveness. 

Elisa and Justin dive into: 

• Integrity is about energetic aliveness and congruence, it's not a moral or ethical. 
• The tenets of feedback via CLG framework
• Feedback is a gift and a pathway towards connection, learning and is also for the collective. 
• When receiving feedback, ask, "how is it true?" 
• The feedback that Elisa received that lit her up and also challenged her
• Justin explains how we can receive the feedback without needing to change/create/solve for the feedback, let it land. 
• "You've never met another person, you've only met your story of them." Byron Katie 
• What our "racket" is according to CLG and how we use our racket to cover up discomfort and vulnerability. 
• How feeling feelings to completion unlocks aliveness and creative energy 
• How fear and anger and sexual energy are connected 
• What a projection is and how we "x" out what we don't accept in ourselves and in others. 
• Congruence: your inner world is matched by your outer expression and how this "noticing and matching" is the foundation of aliveness and integrity 
• "We are either getting more transparent or more opaque." Jim Dethmer 
• What a "Whole Body Yes" and "Whole Body No" is and why this is connected to aliveness. 
• Elisa and Justin share critical and appreciative judgements for each other at the end. 
• Elisa and Justin explore the questions: "What am I willing to risk to experience full aliveness?" and, "What are you not willing to risk to experience full aliveness?". 
• "Coaching is only as powerful as we honoring aliveness in our lives. The Coaching happens outside of the coaching for everyone." Justin Mulvaney
• "Leadership isn't learned in the workshop, it's learned in the work." Kristen Lisanti 
• "The idea that the healing is here for the client is part of the illness" Deb Katz
• Click here to learn more about the work of The Hendricks Institute. 

To learn more about Justin Mulvaney, click here to follow his work. Justin is a Conscious Leadership Coach and a powerful force for founders who want to create and run business with aliveness and integrity. 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work HERE and follow her on social media.

Dr. Sarah Coxon on Relationship to Our Soma

Today’s episode is the fourth in a five part series on relationships and we sit down with Somatic Coach and Practitioner, Sarah Coxon. Sarah connects the dots between her first love, archeology and the work she does now to help people reclaim their power through somatic practices. Our conversation traverses many spaces, and brings us all closer to understanding, and feeling empowered about the healing path. Unlike many practitioners, Sarah doesn’t hyperfocus on the trauma, instead, she uses practices and present moment awareness to address what is here now. Sarah offers us gem after gem and posits that perhaps moving toward joy and aliveness can be a powerful pathway to healing. 

• How Sarah’s background in archeology has shaped her worldview, and how it influences her work in Somatic Coaching
• The link between nature and our own internal growth and healing 
• Sarah connects the dots for us on how our leaps in technology have surpassed our own biological and psychological capacities to handle them 
• Context in archeology is foundational, we are always looking at the context to understand a finding or a pattern in history and Sarah helps us see this through the lens of Somatic Coaching 
• Sarah reveals how our lack of curiosity, largely influenced by our need to know and technology, has impacted our capacity to think, feel and stay connected.
• Sarah shares her insights on her evolution in coaching which started 8 years ago  and how she thinks of her role now in holding space for whatever wants to be felt/seen/expressed now
• Sarah uses a beautiful metaphor of embracing the tidal rhythms of life through grief and other complex emotions 
• How culture doesn’t teach self-trust, how early on we are told to trust authorities and this can lead to disembodiment and lack of inner knowing and trust
• How attunement is a muscle we must deepen for our relationships, and how it begins with our bodies and going slower than we think we need to 
• Elisa and Sarah discuss that even leaders feel fear and disempowerment and the sooner we can develop empathy for their experience, the closer we get to a more connected workforce

To learn more about sarah and her podcast, books and offerings, visit www.drsarahcoxon.com and follow her at www.instagram.com/drsarahcoxon 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work HERE and follow her on social at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Megan Liebmann-Gudat on Relationship to Rituals and Nature

In episode 55 on The School of Unlearning podcast, the theme of relationships is explored as it relates to rituals and physical spaces in nature. This conversation builds on a five part relationship focus and grounds us back in our bodies and in to the natural world around us as we find our center and slow our pace down, all in the effort to be more attuned to our needs and those around us. Our guest is Functional Medicine Practitioner and Clinical Herbalist Educator and Practitioner, Megan Liebmann-Gudat. Megan specializes in helping women in the peri-menopause and menopause stages of life and health through dietary, lifestyle and mindset approaches. 

In this podcast, we discuss: 

• How to zoom out of the singular obsession of romantic relationships and move into a broader view of how to manifest love in life. 
• Elisa and Megan discuss why the “eradicate” approach with chronic health conditions isn’t working or healing. 
• Megan shares how our dialogue with our symptoms and ailments is foundational and the most powerful way to embark on a healing path. Megan asks us to invite a conversation with our symptoms to the table? 
• How we can match our environment with our biology and what this does for our health. 
• Relationship to space: Megan highlights how we can cultivate trust to a space, which she says is often one of our first relationships.  
• Megan introduces a “sits spot” which is a space she brings her children to a few times a year to notice seasonal changes and shifts in the terrain. 
• We cover what an “access point” is in healthcare and how knowing where to begin is maybe the most important thing. 
• Pacing and our relationship to slowness help improve our ability to be present and notice what is arising. 

Top 10 Takeaways: 

1. When dealing with chronic health conditions, move beyond “eradication” and dip into curiosity and conversation with the condition and it’s symptoms. 
2. Being in relationship to the healing is more important than the protocol itself. 
3. Our first relationship to trust is often our relationship with a physical space, a home. 
4. A powerful way to be in relationship with physical spaces is to do what Megan calls a “sits spot” is an activity of mindfulness and noticing. Find one spot in nature and sit with it as the seasons change, draw and document what changes.
5. One way to mitigate the feeling of loneliness is to integrate other ways of bringing spiritual practices in, starting with nature or outdoor spaces. Realizing that we are not in fact alone. 
6. Megan reminds us that we can’t speed up nature, so making a practice of keeping seasonal journal for your surrounding environment is a powerful way to bring presence into your life. This practice slows us down. 
7. Take what you think you can do and divide it in two and take what you think you need and times it by 3. 
8. Megan on embracing slowness: a major theme from all of the relationship podcasts so far has been pacing. And, Megan doubles down on how our pacing impacts our ability to connection. 
9. Attunement matters when we consider how to shift our relationship to health, and this begins with a slowing down. 
10. Access point is everything for practitioners of health and change. And, the access point is figuring out where the person is willing to shift, and that begins the great conversation and practice of healing. 

Follow Megan on Instagram at @meganliebmann_ and for more on her body of work, visit www.amethystandrose.com

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work HERE and follow her on social at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Kristen Lisanti on Our Relationship To Change

Today’s episode is the second in a five part series on relationships. Our guest and thought partner in this conversation is Kristen Lisanti who coaches and trains transformational leaders. After 20 years of cultivating healthy, high-performing cultures in organizations around the world, she now builds the capabilities of her clients to do the same. Kristen hosts Radiant Leader, a community of practice for transformational leaders, and immersive leadership development retreats and programs, including her mindful leadership cohort, Momentum. She lives outside New York City.

This is one of my favorite conversations on the podcast yet - and it’s an exploration of the human experience and the beauty of how our work can be fuel for our growth - and that in seeing work and career evolution as a pathway towards personal ascension and radical acceptance, we are never not in learning mode. Kristen walks us through her new framework for the 3 traps that keep leaders stuck in transitional leadership and how we use attunement and self-awareness to avoid these traps and step into the dynamic conversation of transformational leadership. 

Top 10 Take aways: 

1. We exist in relationship to one another  - we are always interbeing and interbecoming. 
2. We do not change other people. The only thing we can do is work on and within ourselves. 
3. The 3 traps of transactional leadership are 1. The Compliant Trap. 2. The Controlling Trap and 3. The Knowing Trap. 
4. Transformational leadership has nothing to do with your role or seniority and everything to do with relating to a purposeful vision and creating conditions for the team to achieve that vision. 
5. Attuning ourselves and the people around us is essential for transformational leadership. 
6. Change is not a sprint. Change is not a marathon. Change is infinite. 
7. The case for efficiency and effectiveness is slowing down. 
8.  “Perfectionism is not perfection. Perfect is not a thing. Completeness is not a thing. Everything is always iterating and evolving forever.”
9. STOP, a classic mindfulness practice helps us move away from reactivity and creates space - in turn, opening us up the option of choice. 
10. Check in with yourself - are you in a story that you didn’t write? 

Follow Kristen at @kristenlisanti and @radiantleader.co and for more on her body of work, visit www.kristenlisanti.com

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

A Tribute to Jim Haggarty on Fathers Day

This is a special tribute to my late father, Jim Haggarty. Dad passed away on November 2nd 2022 after a valiant battle with Benson's Syndrome, a visual variant of Dementia. 

Tune into to hear Elisa celebrate her father and learn more about the man who left quite the mark on the people around him. 

"Dad was one of one, a singular force of love and I’m so grateful to have been his daughter." 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Jordan Dann On Rupture & Repair in Relationships

This is the first episode in a five part series on relationships and we begin with an in depth look at relational rupture & repair with Somatic Therapist and Relational Psychotherapist, Jordan Dann. 

"The best thing we get to do on this planet is be in relationship. And it’s the only thing we aren’t taught how to do.” Jordan Dann

Covering a wide array of topics and tools within rupture & repair, Jordan Dann provides insight into attainment, slowing down, the role of a therapist and client - and how we can begin to reimagine conflict as not a barrier, but as a bridge to connection. 

Here are the top 10 take aways from this beautifully insightful conversation: 

1. Attunement begins with being present. 
2. Most people’s idea of slow is still really fast. Going slower, at quarter speed at any activity, opens up the landscape of choice. 
3. A bid is a reach for connection. When we miss bids of attention, this is when ruptures occur. The Gottmans say that couples who are masterful at rupture and repair cycles, have 80% satisfaction and wellbeing in their relationships. 
4. "You have to allow the repair to be a singular event, and not another log on the bonfire of resentment. Your reception and “thank you” and being able to fully let it go and move forward is as important as saying, 'I’m sorry.'" Jordan Dann
5. Our attachment system is really forgiving. Ed Tronick cites in his research that we only need to be in attunement 20-30% of the time. Our attachment system is really forgiving in that respect. 
6. All conflict is in essence, an objection over difference.
7. "Until you understand what's running the show, you aren’t running the show, your unconscious is. Explore the enmeshment of your origin family and how a lack of differentiation is impacting your ruptures." Jordan Dann
8. BRING play and laughter more into the rupture and repair cycle: couples lay down on the ground while arguing, it helps de escalate the issue. When repairs go well, we can celebrate with each other. This is how you create a story about how you fight, if you celebrate and review the success of it. 
9. We need models of health relationships, of ones who have ruptures and repair. We spend far too much time commiserating vs seeking out and being with others who repair well. 
10. Specific appreciation is essential. And in order to be specific, we must be present and attuned. 

For more on Jordan's work, follow her on Instagram www.instagram.com/jordandann and check out her offerings at www.jordandann.com 

References: 

Ed Tronick research: "The Still Face Experiment" 

The Gottman Institute

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Back In The Game & A Preview of What's To Come

A solo episode with Elisa who shares her insights and own unlearning about running a podcast. 

You'll hear a review of top quotes from guests and also a preview of what is to come with a new series on Relationships coming soon. 

“I am unlearning that I always know in the moment what is good or bad. The present is always changing our stories about the past. We have the ability to change the past because we have a different relationship with it, based on our present day." Connor Carrick, Episode 1 

“Unlearning is the ultimate act of humility for me. It is the surrender to the fact that everything and everyone is a teacher, and everyone and everything is a student.” Claude Silver, Episode 15 

"What I feel when I hear the word unlearning, I feel a relief, a softening, a permission. And, what I think about it is that if we have some intact culture and some experience at all with elder-hood, and what it may be to be near someone who are true elders, or many people or who are true elders, there wouldn’t be so much we have to unlearn, we could trust the learning that we did." Kimberly Ann Johnson, Episode 22

"Unlearning in degrees matters." Kate Fagan

And, Elisa previews an upcoming episode with Jordan Dann which will be released on June 13th. 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to create more collaborative and radical responsible leaders in the workplace. Follow her podcast at @thesoulpodcast and @elisamaryhaggarty 

www.elisamaryhaggarty.com 

 

 

EP 50: People Pleasing and Unlearning with Ed Hayes

In our first ever podcast swap, I sit down with Ed Haynes, a Crossfit and Performance Coach based in Hong Kong. Ed interviews me and I interview him in this candid conversation where we discuss unlearning some of our biggest roadblocks around people pleasing, growth mindset and how to better connect with people. 

In this episode, we cover: 

• Elisa's origin story of unlearning
• How this podcast came to be
• What Ed is currently unlearning about people pleasing and boundaries 
• The important of learning to sit with silence and space within conversations 
• How Ed uses growth mindset
• Can growth come within our comfort zone?
• Why being calm isn't necessarily the goal or a sign of a regulated nervous system
• How to work with stress 
• How to help clients work through emotions and glean the insights they bring 
• How Ed has used mindset and fitness to grow 
• How defensiveness is the first sign of war
• How to know what a full body yes and full body no sounds like 
• How much do we really need to work within a given week? What comes up when we have easier/lighter workload days?

 

To learn more about Ed click here.

Subscribe to Ed's podcast, "The Process Podcast" by clicking here. 

 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who helps leaders and team break drama patterns and form a more emotionally attuned world that leads to connection and innovation. To learn more about her, click here. 

EP 49: Be More Awkward & Give More Compliments

What is life anyway? What makes life good? What brings us alive? Who said we need a 5 year plan anyway? 

Today, I press record in a spontaneous moment of breaking patterns, unlearning perfection and tackle what's top of mind for me. 

Join me in this 7 minute podcast!

Take aways: 

• How the pressure we put on ourselves to create a meaningful/perfect life suffocates us and robs us of what life is here to show us
• It's a big deal to be alive on this planet 
• How our phones take us elsewhere, never fully here in the moment
• Be more awkward
• Compliment people more
• Pet more dogs who seem eager 
• Relax into your life instead of trying to build an ideal life
• Spark conversation with strangers in life 
• When you can, make eye contact with strangers - it makes a big difference 
• In a society that stresses autonomy and control, we may not have as much control as we think
• Following the breadcrumbs help heighten attention to your needs and what the world is giving you

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach and a cat mom who finds joy in noticing what's beautiful and sharing it. You can learn more about her work here. 

EP 48: Breathwork & The NY Knicks with Avi Greenberg

It turns our breathing isn't just about staying alive - it is a state/energy management tool that helps us regulate, get grounded, get fired up and recover. For episode 48 on The School of Unlearning, Avid Greenberg joins us to discuss his path to becoming a Wim Hoff Certified Breathwork Instructor. Avi spent years in the corporate world feeling less than optimal and fulfilled and finally followed his intuition to make the jump into becoming an entrepreneur and we are so glad he did. Avi has led thousands of people and groups through hot/cold contrast therapy and breath-work exercises and in this episode he walks us through the benefits for embracing the breath consciously - and why humans of all kind would benefit by embracing this tool. Avi and I also discuss how breathwork has been used in the NBA and professional sports worlds so that athletes can regulate themselves in order to gain a competitive advantage. We jam on the Knicks - his favorite team - and what parallels we both see in the corporate world and sports organizations as leadership principles evolve and become more human centric. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• Avi's entrance to hot/cold contract and breath-work
• The benefits of embracing breath-work consciously 
• Why long slow exhales help us regulate and feel more grounded 
• What NBA superstars like Steph Curry and Lebron James are using the breath to level up their performance during timeouts 
• What overlap we see in the corporate world and sports organizations in leadership 

To learn more about Avi, visit his site at www.avigreenberg.com and follow him on IG @avilu 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who helps leaders and teams break relational drama patters through play and curiosity. 

To learn more about her work, visit www.elisamaryhaggarty.com