EP 32: Kate Vellos on Friendships & Creating Community

For episode 32 on The School of Unlearning podcast, I speak with connection coach and author, Kat Vellos. In a world where friendship and community feel transient and so different from how any of us imagined our worlds to be, Kat Vellos helps us break open human connection with a refreshing approach and perspective on how we can forge and maintain friendships - even as they shift and change. In this episode, we cover how Kat came about the work of researching human connection, what she is actively unlearning and how we can more intentionally build communities and friendships that help us move through life. If there ever was a time where we all needed a reframe human connection and practical tools on how to intentionally build community, this would be it. 

On this episode, we cover: 

• Who influenced Kat as a young adult 
• How activism and social justice came to be a big part of Kat’s early moments of unlearning 
• Unlearning productivity is top of mind for Kat and learning the freedom to explore the question of, “when is enough enough?” 
• What role that leisure and pleasure have to do with productivity 
• Sufficiency as a concept relating to abundance 
• What successful friendship and community looks and feels like for Kat 
• The ability to know the need for connection and reach out for it without hesitation 
• The gift of reaching out and inviting a friend out 
• How we can build muscles for connection 
• What role generosity plays in making connections and friendships 
• How the pandemic impacted human relationships and friendships 
• Social stamina and how its impacted our ability to connect
• What would be nourishing, rejuvenating and connecting with the time and space we have in our lives? 
• Why anger is a normal response to disconnection and what our emotions can teach us
• Tips and tools on how to foster adult friendships
• Bringing intention to the ways we create invitations
• How Forging adult friendships requires creativity
• How "hyper mobility" impacts our sense of community 
• "If you knew you were going to I've at your current address for the rest of your life, what would you do differently to foster friendship and community?" 
• The role compassion plays in forging relationships in a hyper mobile world.
• Advice on how to not take things personally if friend hangouts don't materialize

References: 

Kat mentions the work/writing or Naomi Klein 

Devin Price “Laziness doesn’t exist” 

Lynn Twist’s book, “The Soul of Money” 

The Podcast, "Hurry Slowly", by Jocelyn K. Glei 

Susan David, "Emotional Agility" 

Kat Vellos is a connection coach and trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. In her former career as a user experience designer, she researched, designed, and advised on the user experience of countless flows in digital products serving millions of people at companies like Slack and Pandora. With the publication of her books, We Should Get Together and Connected from Afar, Kat turned her background in UX design towards combating the loneliness epidemic to help millions of people experience greater wellness and fulfillment through thriving platonic relationships. 

My favorite line from Kat is: "Productivity is about what you don't do". 

Books and events: weshouldgettogether.com

Work: katvellos.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/KatVellos

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katvellos_author/

 

About Elisa Haggarty: 

I am a Conscious Leadership Coach and host of The School of Unlearning Podcast. I coach leaders/executives and teams all over the world to shift their mindset so they can build high performing teams, visit www.elisamaryhaggarty.com

Follow The School of Unlearning on Instagram.