The School Of Unlearning With Elisa Haggarty

A Tribute to Jim Haggarty on Fathers Day

This is a special tribute to my late father, Jim Haggarty. Dad passed away on November 2nd 2022 after a valiant battle with Benson's Syndrome, a visual variant of Dementia. 

Tune into to hear Elisa celebrate her father and learn more about the man who left quite the mark on the people around him. 

"Dad was one of one, a singular force of love and I’m so grateful to have been his daughter." 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Jordan Dann On Rupture & Repair in Relationships

This is the first episode in a five part series on relationships and we begin with an in depth look at relational rupture & repair with Somatic Therapist and Relational Psychotherapist, Jordan Dann. 

"The best thing we get to do on this planet is be in relationship. And it’s the only thing we aren’t taught how to do.” Jordan Dann

Covering a wide array of topics and tools within rupture & repair, Jordan Dann provides insight into attainment, slowing down, the role of a therapist and client - and how we can begin to reimagine conflict as not a barrier, but as a bridge to connection. 

Here are the top 10 take aways from this beautifully insightful conversation: 

1. Attunement begins with being present. 
2. Most people’s idea of slow is still really fast. Going slower, at quarter speed at any activity, opens up the landscape of choice. 
3. A bid is a reach for connection. When we miss bids of attention, this is when ruptures occur. The Gottmans say that couples who are masterful at rupture and repair cycles, have 80% satisfaction and wellbeing in their relationships. 
4. "You have to allow the repair to be a singular event, and not another log on the bonfire of resentment. Your reception and “thank you” and being able to fully let it go and move forward is as important as saying, 'I’m sorry.'" Jordan Dann
5. Our attachment system is really forgiving. Ed Tronick cites in his research that we only need to be in attunement 20-30% of the time. Our attachment system is really forgiving in that respect. 
6. All conflict is in essence, an objection over difference.
7. "Until you understand what's running the show, you aren’t running the show, your unconscious is. Explore the enmeshment of your origin family and how a lack of differentiation is impacting your ruptures." Jordan Dann
8. BRING play and laughter more into the rupture and repair cycle: couples lay down on the ground while arguing, it helps de escalate the issue. When repairs go well, we can celebrate with each other. This is how you create a story about how you fight, if you celebrate and review the success of it. 
9. We need models of health relationships, of ones who have ruptures and repair. We spend far too much time commiserating vs seeking out and being with others who repair well. 
10. Specific appreciation is essential. And in order to be specific, we must be present and attuned. 

For more on Jordan's work, follow her on Instagram www.instagram.com/jordandann and check out her offerings at www.jordandann.com 

References: 

Ed Tronick research: "The Still Face Experiment" 

The Gottman Institute

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to shift the way people relate and collaborate through radical responsibility, curiosity and emotional intelligence. You can follow her work at www.instagram.com/elisamaryhaggarty and www.instagram.com/thesoulpodcast

Back In The Game & A Preview of What's To Come

A solo episode with Elisa who shares her insights and own unlearning about running a podcast. 

You'll hear a review of top quotes from guests and also a preview of what is to come with a new series on Relationships coming soon. 

“I am unlearning that I always know in the moment what is good or bad. The present is always changing our stories about the past. We have the ability to change the past because we have a different relationship with it, based on our present day." Connor Carrick, Episode 1 

“Unlearning is the ultimate act of humility for me. It is the surrender to the fact that everything and everyone is a teacher, and everyone and everything is a student.” Claude Silver, Episode 15 

"What I feel when I hear the word unlearning, I feel a relief, a softening, a permission. And, what I think about it is that if we have some intact culture and some experience at all with elder-hood, and what it may be to be near someone who are true elders, or many people or who are true elders, there wouldn’t be so much we have to unlearn, we could trust the learning that we did." Kimberly Ann Johnson, Episode 22

"Unlearning in degrees matters." Kate Fagan

And, Elisa previews an upcoming episode with Jordan Dann which will be released on June 13th. 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with executives and teams to create more collaborative and radical responsible leaders in the workplace. Follow her podcast at @thesoulpodcast and @elisamaryhaggarty 

www.elisamaryhaggarty.com 

 

 

EP 50: People Pleasing and Unlearning with Ed Hayes

In our first ever podcast swap, I sit down with Ed Haynes, a Crossfit and Performance Coach based in Hong Kong. Ed interviews me and I interview him in this candid conversation where we discuss unlearning some of our biggest roadblocks around people pleasing, growth mindset and how to better connect with people. 

In this episode, we cover: 

• Elisa's origin story of unlearning
• How this podcast came to be
• What Ed is currently unlearning about people pleasing and boundaries 
• The important of learning to sit with silence and space within conversations 
• How Ed uses growth mindset
• Can growth come within our comfort zone?
• Why being calm isn't necessarily the goal or a sign of a regulated nervous system
• How to work with stress 
• How to help clients work through emotions and glean the insights they bring 
• How Ed has used mindset and fitness to grow 
• How defensiveness is the first sign of war
• How to know what a full body yes and full body no sounds like 
• How much do we really need to work within a given week? What comes up when we have easier/lighter workload days?

 

To learn more about Ed click here.

Subscribe to Ed's podcast, "The Process Podcast" by clicking here. 

 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who helps leaders and team break drama patterns and form a more emotionally attuned world that leads to connection and innovation. To learn more about her, click here. 

EP 49: Be More Awkward & Give More Compliments

What is life anyway? What makes life good? What brings us alive? Who said we need a 5 year plan anyway? 

Today, I press record in a spontaneous moment of breaking patterns, unlearning perfection and tackle what's top of mind for me. 

Join me in this 7 minute podcast!

Take aways: 

• How the pressure we put on ourselves to create a meaningful/perfect life suffocates us and robs us of what life is here to show us
• It's a big deal to be alive on this planet 
• How our phones take us elsewhere, never fully here in the moment
• Be more awkward
• Compliment people more
• Pet more dogs who seem eager 
• Relax into your life instead of trying to build an ideal life
• Spark conversation with strangers in life 
• When you can, make eye contact with strangers - it makes a big difference 
• In a society that stresses autonomy and control, we may not have as much control as we think
• Following the breadcrumbs help heighten attention to your needs and what the world is giving you

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach and a cat mom who finds joy in noticing what's beautiful and sharing it. You can learn more about her work here. 

EP 48: Breathwork & The NY Knicks with Avi Greenberg

It turns our breathing isn't just about staying alive - it is a state/energy management tool that helps us regulate, get grounded, get fired up and recover. For episode 48 on The School of Unlearning, Avid Greenberg joins us to discuss his path to becoming a Wim Hoff Certified Breathwork Instructor. Avi spent years in the corporate world feeling less than optimal and fulfilled and finally followed his intuition to make the jump into becoming an entrepreneur and we are so glad he did. Avi has led thousands of people and groups through hot/cold contrast therapy and breath-work exercises and in this episode he walks us through the benefits for embracing the breath consciously - and why humans of all kind would benefit by embracing this tool. Avi and I also discuss how breathwork has been used in the NBA and professional sports worlds so that athletes can regulate themselves in order to gain a competitive advantage. We jam on the Knicks - his favorite team - and what parallels we both see in the corporate world and sports organizations as leadership principles evolve and become more human centric. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• Avi's entrance to hot/cold contract and breath-work
• The benefits of embracing breath-work consciously 
• Why long slow exhales help us regulate and feel more grounded 
• What NBA superstars like Steph Curry and Lebron James are using the breath to level up their performance during timeouts 
• What overlap we see in the corporate world and sports organizations in leadership 

To learn more about Avi, visit his site at www.avigreenberg.com and follow him on IG @avilu 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who helps leaders and teams break relational drama patters through play and curiosity. 

To learn more about her work, visit www.elisamaryhaggarty.com

 

EP 47: Justin Mulvaney on Patterns, Beliefs and Feelings

How is emotional literacy different than emotional intelligence? Why do we need both? Have you ever had the inkling that you may play some part in the relational drama you see unfolding at work or in relationships? Today on the podcast, we welcome Conscious Leadership and Executive Coach, Justin Mulvaney. Justin shares his origin story into coaching and the deep work he is doing on his end to play with the principles of Conscious Leadership. This episode is for anyone looking to better understand emotional intelligence and how to take radical responsibility for their lives.

Today we cover: 

• Justin’s early influences in nature and key influences
• The journey from tech industry to coaching 
• Why Justin chose The Conscious Leadership Group as the method he wanted to embrace and learn 
• What has changed Justin the most throughout his training with CLG and coaching clients over the past few years
• How Justin defines emotional intelligence 
• How and why the journey of embracing consciousness is messy and scary at times 
• How to examine reactive patterns and beliefs 
• How to feel your feelings to completion 

Justin Mulvaney is a conscious leadership and executive coach who helps leaders and leadership teams become more conscious, connected, and effective. He helps founders and leaders in technology and corporate environments identify and shift the patterns that hold them back and discover new ways of living and leading.

To learn more about Justin, click here: https://justinmulvaney.co

 

To learn more about Elisa and her work, visit www.elisamaryhaggarty.com and follow her on Instagram @thesoulpodcast and @elisamaryhaggarty 

EP 46: From Criticism to Creativity with Dr. Gay Hendricks

In this episode, Dr. Gay Hendrick brings his life and professional wisdom to the podcast and shows us how we can turn criticism into creativity. In one of the more powerful podcast episodes I've ever recorded, Gay helps empower us to understand that beyond name, form, career - we are pure consciousness and helps us understand how taking responsibility for our thoughts and habits can change our lives. Gay shares his breakthroughs early on in life and helps us connect the dots between generational trauma - and, what we can do about creating new generational patterns. 

Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., has been a leader in the fields of relationship transformation and bodymind therapies for more than 45 years. After earning his Ph.D. in counseling psychology from Stanford, Gay served as professor of Counseling Psychology at the University of Colorado for 21 years. He has written more than 40 books, including bestsellers such as Five Wishes, The Big Leap and Conscious Loving (co-authored with his co-author and mate for more than 35 years, Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks), both used as a primary text in universities around the world. His latest book, The Genius Zones and explores his breakthrough process to end negative thinking and live in true creativity.

Today we cover: 

• Gay’s early life influences, including his grandparents and how the months prior to his birth influenced his relationship to emotions, food and self. 
• Gay’s encounter with Ram Das in his early 20’s and how this planted seeds for continued growth 
• How Gay defines enlightenment 
• Gay shares why recommitment needs more press 
• The role of self-blame and criticism and how they color and block creativity 
• How we can nurture ourselves into creativity and expansion
• Why taking radical responsibility for your life isn’t about blame
• How taking responsibly is both invigorating and creative! 
• How do view each decade in clinical psychology 
• The role of our family’s generational trauma and experiences in our current lives 
• What congruence is and why it’s so important for aliveness
• Why emotions are essential for us to embrace who we really are
• Gay offers news ways to view emotions like anger and fear 
• What Gay is currently unlearning 

To learn more about Gay and Katie Hendricks, visit: https://hendricks.com

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach who works with leaders and organizations to break repeated drama patterns and create more skillful and joyful workplaces. To learn more about her work, visit: www.elisamaryhaggarty.com

 

 

 

EP 45: The Gift of Unpleasant Feelings and Emotional Mastery with Dr. Joan Rosenberg

Dr. Joan Rosenberg, the author of "90 Seconds to a Life You Love" joins us for episode 45 and shares part of her personal journey from childhood that inspired her to pursue emotional mastery. The desire for confidence, authenticity and belonging lies within our capacity to sit with both pleasant and unpleasant emotions and Joan Rosenberg PhD teaches us how to do that in this episode.  We review the Rosenberg Reset which lays out the steps towards emotional confidence and why congruence is so essential to our wellbeing. This podcast episode is ripe with insight, moments you won't want to miss and will leave you feeling more empowered to live life more fully. 

Joan I. Rosenberg, PhD, creator of Emotional Mastery™ and Emotional Mastery Training™, is a highly regarded expert psychologist, master clinician, trainer and consultant. As a cutting edge psychologist who is known as an innovative thinker, trainer and speaker, Joan has shared her life-changing ideas and models for emotional mastery, change and personal growth in professional and educational seminars, psychotherapy sessions and graduate psychology teaching.

https://drjoanrosenberg.com/joans-story/

We cover:

• Dr. Rosenbergs early childhood and how it shaped her sense of belonging 
• Why emotional confidence was something Dr. Rosenberg realized early on in life would help her wade through life’s ups and downs 
• Who her early influences were 
• The 90 second rule of emotions
• How we can make use of feelings and emotions 
• Why pleasant feelings/sensations are difficult to sit with 
• How we can practice the Rosenberg Reset to master unpleasant feelings 
• What type of pleasant feelings are difficult for people and why
• What a compliment really means and why it’s important to accept them 
• Grief and 3 recommended practices to work with it 
• The importance of congruence in our inner and outer worlds
• Why speaking up is the pathway towards emotional confidence 
• How and when Dr. Rosenberg recommends we speak up 
• Why insights usually follow expression 
• Grief: how to embrace the relationship even if the person has passed on 

Referenced: 

• Dr. Daniel Siegel 
• Katie and Gay Hendricks
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's book, "A Stoke of Insight"  

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach and Organizational Consultant, click here to learn more about her work.  Follow The School of Unlearning on Instagram @thesoulpodcast. 

 

EP 44: On Women’s Hormone Health with Dr. Soyona Rafatjah

If you are confused about women's hormone health or what foods fuel inflammation, this podcast episode is for you. Dr. Soyona Rafatjah, a board certified Family Physician and the Founder of Prime Health in Denver, CO. joins us for episode 44 on The School of Unlearning podcast. We discuss her origin story and what fueled her to embrace the tenets of Functional and Integrative Medicine and why women's thyroid health is so importance for metabolic and immune function. Dr. Rafatjah helps us understand the power and importance of informed consent and how most medical science and pharmaceuticals are designed for men. Women's health involving stress management, toxins and dietary modifications are baseline for Dr. Rafatjah and this episode is filled with clinical gems.  

In this episode, we cover: 

• Soyona's origin story 
• Why Functional medicine is rooted in health outcomes vs sick care
• Why the thyroid is importance for women's health and why most doctor's don't run comprehensive labs
• The benefits of birth control for family planning
• Why birth control is being over prescribed and prescribed for the wrong reasons - how it can act as a bandaid for hormone health issues
• The importance of informed consent in women's health 
• What 3 foods fuel inflammation
• What foods calm inflammation 
• The root causes of depression and how to proactively work with brain health  
• How much protein a day women should aim for 
• Soy? What are the health benefits and risks and why to always aim for organic 
• What Dr. Raftajah is currently unlearning

You can learn more about Prime Health by visiting their website here.  Prime Health offers private and group Functional Medicine care to those in the Colorado area and select states for virtual care. 

 

Elisa Haggarty is a Conscious Leadership Coach and Organizational Consultant, click here to learn more about her work.  Follow The School of Unlearning on Instagram @thesoulpodcast.